Rock, Paper, Scissors

Is it odd that dividing possessions was actually pleasant? Many people have told me that it is one of the hardest parts in a divorce and where the bitterness can kick in. I'm still hoping this is NOT the case but for the most part it was comparable to the fantasy football drafts I've been a part of. You win some, you lose some. You may not get each player of your liking and some of them will end up on the bench but you do get a thrill from the draft itself, as long as you don't have any expectations. I never thought I would be divvying up our belongings on a rock, paper, scissors basis (we played best out of 3 at least). Although, I guess it kind of makes sense since this same method was used for bottle feedings, diaper changes and even today for drop offs or pick ups for activities.

If only this tactic was appropriate for decisions involving our kids and custody. It's difficult to think most of our time with the kids will be divided between houses equally, 50/50. It seems "fair" but it's just really not to any one of us. I will be moving to Farmington next month and Kenley will be attending the same school I did when I was younger, Go Tigers! Cameron on the other hand, has decided to stay for the duration of the school year and finish 6th grade as a Trojan. It's only a month, but the thought of being away from him makes me feel so incomplete. Just as the thoughts of Joe being without Kenley on a daily basis.

As cordial as this process has been, it's really not about US. It is always the kids that suffer and as people who have gone through this process ourselves as kids, we thought our approach was strategically planned out to be in favor of everyone's best interest. Our intentions were good and we hoped for it to be as painless as possible for everyone involved. As much as we prepared ourselves for the questions, sadness and reactions of the kids, our own anxiety of actually not being with both of our kids on a daily basis was significantly underestimated.

In theory, it seems fair and simple enough to have shared custody and we have agreed to weekends and summers, but holiday schedules?!?! Will that really be easy to share? We can't play rock, paper, scissors for that decision making process or pick names out of a hat. Here's where things get complicated...... I can't see Christmas without my kids and either can Joe but is it socially acceptable to share these days together after a divorce? And would this be discouraged by future partners? I imagine things would get a little awkward.

Divide and conquer. Another phrase that I've analyzed over the past few months. No Rock, Paper or Scissors can conquer in this scenario.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.....

Have you ever heard a person describe you as beautiful or pretty “once they get to know you”? What about hearing that you have “the best personality” as some one is explaining you? Although these descriptions are likely intended as a compliment, you can’t help but feel a little insulted. It’s kind of like the expression, “you can’t judge a book by its cover”, but people do anyway. Appearances are intriguing so how can you rely on someone getting to know you without some sort of physical attraction?

How you see your self in the mirror is not always the way you portray yourself to be or what you think you look like. It's also not always the way others see you –that’s what we hope anyway. Some times I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if it was substituted with a fun mirror, like the ones you would find at a fair. Mirrors are so inconsistent too! They all give off a different reflection. They can be so deceiving, or at least most of the time that's what I tell myself. I think, NO WAY that girl is me, that’s not who I am!

I wish there was a mirror that can capture who you are inside. Although your personality and your heart can shine on the outside, why can't we see that in a mirror or even in a picture? They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but is it really? I don't necessarily agree with that phrase because sometimes pictures don't do a persons beauty or their inner beauty justice. When you think about a person in a picture, how can you really tell they are happy by their smile versus just simply being photogenic? A person’s smile can also hide a lot of hurt. I hide behind mine quite often, in fact. A smile doesn't necessarily symbolize happiness. LAUGHTER. Now that is a good measure of contentment. You can take a snapshot of someone laughing but you can’t hear it. I think the sound of laughter is contagious (and I’ve been told it’s a good form of exercise, especially your abs - Ha Ha Ha!)

Looking in the mirror today, I realized that its time to get in shape. Not just physically (although that too is much needed) but figuratively. It’s about time to get my life back in shape! I want to see my personality, motivation and determination in the next picture taken of me. I also want to be able to see these things the next time I happen to catch a glance of that woman in the mirror. I would like to see my reflection of the person I’m supposed to be, believe I am and who others claim to see me as being.

Don’t just smile pretty, mean it! CHEESE!