She is filled with so much potential and courage. I don't understand how she can possibly have such low self esteem and behave so poorly. Nicole is gorgeous, outgoing and incredibly generous to others but doesn't possess the qualities to take care of her self or to know what is right and what is wrong.
Most of her life has been a contradiction. Can we honestly blame her?
We recently enrolled Nikki, our oldest niece who will be 17 in 2 weeks, into a behavioral health and chemical dependency facility called Gerard Academy. This place will customize a program to help her cope with her past, present and hopefully sculpt her future. The plan could be up to 10 months depending on her progress. We were faced with this decision after almost 4 months of attempting in home family therapy, foster care, rehab and even a month stay in a consequential facility and a 9 day admission to St. Mary's Generose. All of this resulted in 5 weeks of an unpaid leave of absence from work, countless battles /investigations with social services from Dakota and Rice counties and all the while maintaining a stable home for the other 4 kids, including 2 of our very own.
We hope this will give her faith and help her recover from some of the choices she has made and the other events in her life she's endured that were not by choice at all.
She will finish her Junior year at the academy missing out on basketball games, school field trips, friend’s graduation parties, Prom and other milestones and events that a typical teenager looks forward to in the 11th grade. I hope she asks herself if it was all worth it after knowing what she's sacrificed. That would mean remorse, which I know she feels when she puts her pride aside. During her stay, we are allowed to call her twice a week and she'll earn visitation privileges, as well as possible weekend visits at home after some time. We will meet with her floor leader, therapist, the director of the academy and school principal at least once a month and talk about her progress at least once a week. This is still not comforting when we she used to be right down stairs. Even though we spent endless nights worrying about her running away again, her drug use and safety for herself and others, we are still filled with sadness because she's miles and miles away now and out of our care. We are at the mercy of everyone else comforting her and loving her the way she needs to be cared for.
I keep telling myself that she is off to college. It is more comforting thinking of it that way. Her room is shared with 2 other girls and her floor sure looks like a dorm. The place is absolutely beautiful though and very welcoming (I know she was very tired of hearing us say that during our tour on her first day).
The kids miss her so much. It has taken such a toll on them not having her around to look up to. This has decreased their faith in her and for Ashlyn especially, who has been let down so much in her life that she remembers. She needs her big sister as she has been the constant in her life. Maddy is so young yet and thankfully she was sheltered from most of it. Cameron goes through his "heat waves" and love/hate moments with Nikki. He is so disappointed and Nikki hears that from him the most. I can tell she hurts so much after she talks to him. He's honest. As for Kenley, what can you say to a 5 year old other than...she's getting her heart fixed so she can love stronger? She gets that.
Will all of this be enough to heal her? I pray that it will bring her peace and help her to move on and live HER life. We're not giving up and at least she knows that much and FINALLY, as it was so hard to prove that. Our love will not fail her and I hope through God and prayers, she can truly feel that.
God, please bless this child and heal her from this pain and hurt. Please help her find comfort and peace through your word. AMEN.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers through all of this! Love will conquer so please keep your love and prayers for Nikki!
