Weeding out my garden of FRIENDSHIPS

A friend of mine updated her facebook status to say, "Why are things that are good too good to be true?". I really thought about that and came to the realization that this is just not how it is supposed to be. The truth is, it probably wasn't good to begin with, only we refused to see the bad.

Throughout my entire life, I've chosen to only surround myself with positive people - those who make me feel good and allow me to be myself without making any judgments or criticisms and those who expect nothing less from me in return. People who accept me the way that I am - the good and the bad, but also those who call me out and recognize my pain behind every smile I fake. Any friendship less than this is unworthy of my time and effort. It doesn't mean I am incapable of being cordial or having fun with these people, it simply means I refuse to put any energy into something I know will not work over the long term.

One of my favorite quotes about friendship is, "True friends stab you in the front". They challenge you, ask questions and are honest - even when it hurts. They are the ones that WILL tell you your ass looks fat in a pair of jeans. Why would we want anything less in a friend because if you don't want to be told then don't ask the question!

I've recently been faced with some tough decisions when it comes to relationships. I've been forced to recognize the people in my life who matter vs. those who just don't and probably never did. It hurts, but I've accepted this and am focused on moving on with quality friends vs. the quantity of them. It feels good to be here, knowing that those people in my past will not be included in my future. It's like I've been through detox - it took me about 12 life altering steps to realize many of them were toxic!

I'm typically one who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I question things at times but if I truly need an answer, I do research by going to the source directly. I don't understand how some people can make assumptions based on word of mouth or their own perception or interpretations of a situation. Its funny to me how a woman (and yes, you all know it's true and that men just don't work this way) is forced to be modest with her successes in life because she doesn't want her celebrations or accolades to be viewed as being conceited. Women secretly don't want to know how successful their girlfriends are, or to hear about the promotions, great sex life/romances or even about the good grades their kids are getting because some feel threatened or insecure about their own lives. I refuse to talk about income, politics or religion with my friends because this can put a burden on a friendship, even without those intentions (I don't even know why people ask these questions in the first place, honestly, it's a lose/ lose answer). It's the unspoken truth and it's time to be honest about it. C'mon - we all have those kind of girlfriends and I know you're already agreeing with me to some extent. I'm not saying we don't have those 1 or 2 BF or KS that we can truly share anything and everything with, without feeling like you're bragging or being arrogant but there are probably ONLY 1 or 2 girlfriends in your garden of friends, am I right?

My point is this, why are "friends" so quick to avoid conversations about your successes in life but want to be the first in line to ask the questions about your failures? It's like they want to recognize your failures only to validate their successes? Just think about that for a minute.

My worst fears, along with most people I'm sure, involve failures - of parenting, career, finances and the fear that has now become my reality: marriage. There's the shocker! Yes, my marriage failed. If you don't know how, why and when then it's because I'm not ready to discuss it. In the meantime, if you don't know what to say or how to act - or don't want to in the middle but still find yourself wanting to be a true friend.....here's a conversational piece to start with, "How are you doing?" or "How are the kids?" or what about a statement such as, "I'm here for you, I see you're hurting". I never expected to lose so many friends along with my husband of more than 13 years together, but I guess it is what it is.

All of this ranting comes from the green thumb I've grown lately. I've been weeding out my garden of friendships. It's exhausting, hurtful and I know I will get dirty but it's hard to appreciate the beauty of the friendships that are continuing to bloom. As my friends blossom in their lives, I want to know about it and celebrate with them in ALL of their SUCCESSES in life......................only being there through their failures does not fertilize a friendship.