Rock, Paper, Scissors

Is it odd that dividing possessions was actually pleasant? Many people have told me that it is one of the hardest parts in a divorce and where the bitterness can kick in. I'm still hoping this is NOT the case but for the most part it was comparable to the fantasy football drafts I've been a part of. You win some, you lose some. You may not get each player of your liking and some of them will end up on the bench but you do get a thrill from the draft itself, as long as you don't have any expectations. I never thought I would be divvying up our belongings on a rock, paper, scissors basis (we played best out of 3 at least). Although, I guess it kind of makes sense since this same method was used for bottle feedings, diaper changes and even today for drop offs or pick ups for activities.

If only this tactic was appropriate for decisions involving our kids and custody. It's difficult to think most of our time with the kids will be divided between houses equally, 50/50. It seems "fair" but it's just really not to any one of us. I will be moving to Farmington next month and Kenley will be attending the same school I did when I was younger, Go Tigers! Cameron on the other hand, has decided to stay for the duration of the school year and finish 6th grade as a Trojan. It's only a month, but the thought of being away from him makes me feel so incomplete. Just as the thoughts of Joe being without Kenley on a daily basis.

As cordial as this process has been, it's really not about US. It is always the kids that suffer and as people who have gone through this process ourselves as kids, we thought our approach was strategically planned out to be in favor of everyone's best interest. Our intentions were good and we hoped for it to be as painless as possible for everyone involved. As much as we prepared ourselves for the questions, sadness and reactions of the kids, our own anxiety of actually not being with both of our kids on a daily basis was significantly underestimated.

In theory, it seems fair and simple enough to have shared custody and we have agreed to weekends and summers, but holiday schedules?!?! Will that really be easy to share? We can't play rock, paper, scissors for that decision making process or pick names out of a hat. Here's where things get complicated...... I can't see Christmas without my kids and either can Joe but is it socially acceptable to share these days together after a divorce? And would this be discouraged by future partners? I imagine things would get a little awkward.

Divide and conquer. Another phrase that I've analyzed over the past few months. No Rock, Paper or Scissors can conquer in this scenario.