Rock, Paper, Scissors

Is it odd that dividing possessions was actually pleasant? Many people have told me that it is one of the hardest parts in a divorce and where the bitterness can kick in. I'm still hoping this is NOT the case but for the most part it was comparable to the fantasy football drafts I've been a part of. You win some, you lose some. You may not get each player of your liking and some of them will end up on the bench but you do get a thrill from the draft itself, as long as you don't have any expectations. I never thought I would be divvying up our belongings on a rock, paper, scissors basis (we played best out of 3 at least). Although, I guess it kind of makes sense since this same method was used for bottle feedings, diaper changes and even today for drop offs or pick ups for activities.

If only this tactic was appropriate for decisions involving our kids and custody. It's difficult to think most of our time with the kids will be divided between houses equally, 50/50. It seems "fair" but it's just really not to any one of us. I will be moving to Farmington next month and Kenley will be attending the same school I did when I was younger, Go Tigers! Cameron on the other hand, has decided to stay for the duration of the school year and finish 6th grade as a Trojan. It's only a month, but the thought of being away from him makes me feel so incomplete. Just as the thoughts of Joe being without Kenley on a daily basis.

As cordial as this process has been, it's really not about US. It is always the kids that suffer and as people who have gone through this process ourselves as kids, we thought our approach was strategically planned out to be in favor of everyone's best interest. Our intentions were good and we hoped for it to be as painless as possible for everyone involved. As much as we prepared ourselves for the questions, sadness and reactions of the kids, our own anxiety of actually not being with both of our kids on a daily basis was significantly underestimated.

In theory, it seems fair and simple enough to have shared custody and we have agreed to weekends and summers, but holiday schedules?!?! Will that really be easy to share? We can't play rock, paper, scissors for that decision making process or pick names out of a hat. Here's where things get complicated...... I can't see Christmas without my kids and either can Joe but is it socially acceptable to share these days together after a divorce? And would this be discouraged by future partners? I imagine things would get a little awkward.

Divide and conquer. Another phrase that I've analyzed over the past few months. No Rock, Paper or Scissors can conquer in this scenario.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall.....

Have you ever heard a person describe you as beautiful or pretty “once they get to know you”? What about hearing that you have “the best personality” as some one is explaining you? Although these descriptions are likely intended as a compliment, you can’t help but feel a little insulted. It’s kind of like the expression, “you can’t judge a book by its cover”, but people do anyway. Appearances are intriguing so how can you rely on someone getting to know you without some sort of physical attraction?

How you see your self in the mirror is not always the way you portray yourself to be or what you think you look like. It's also not always the way others see you –that’s what we hope anyway. Some times I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if it was substituted with a fun mirror, like the ones you would find at a fair. Mirrors are so inconsistent too! They all give off a different reflection. They can be so deceiving, or at least most of the time that's what I tell myself. I think, NO WAY that girl is me, that’s not who I am!

I wish there was a mirror that can capture who you are inside. Although your personality and your heart can shine on the outside, why can't we see that in a mirror or even in a picture? They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but is it really? I don't necessarily agree with that phrase because sometimes pictures don't do a persons beauty or their inner beauty justice. When you think about a person in a picture, how can you really tell they are happy by their smile versus just simply being photogenic? A person’s smile can also hide a lot of hurt. I hide behind mine quite often, in fact. A smile doesn't necessarily symbolize happiness. LAUGHTER. Now that is a good measure of contentment. You can take a snapshot of someone laughing but you can’t hear it. I think the sound of laughter is contagious (and I’ve been told it’s a good form of exercise, especially your abs - Ha Ha Ha!)

Looking in the mirror today, I realized that its time to get in shape. Not just physically (although that too is much needed) but figuratively. It’s about time to get my life back in shape! I want to see my personality, motivation and determination in the next picture taken of me. I also want to be able to see these things the next time I happen to catch a glance of that woman in the mirror. I would like to see my reflection of the person I’m supposed to be, believe I am and who others claim to see me as being.

Don’t just smile pretty, mean it! CHEESE!

My Imagination of Happily Ever After

As much as we try to live through our children's creativity and imaginations, I believe they are underappreciated and we probably disregard them more than we should. I've been more in touch with my imagination lately, with all of these changes taking place in my life and it has made me believe that nothing is more powerful. It has helped me get through some personal challenges, in fact. I have been able to plan the life and outcomes I want by the things I have imagined, but it has also provided me with the motivation I need to achieve the unimaginable. I just read that the only limitations in life are those we IMAGINE ourselves. This is nothing but the truth.

Another thing we try to instill in our kids is COURAGE. Maya Angelou had it right when she stated that "courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently." Doing what you think is the right thing to do isn't necessarily easy. It can often be the smallest of gestures that some one shows courage. An example of this is sacrifice. This often goes unnoticed by others. I believe now that I am courageous. I have accepted some difficult tasks over the last couple of years and have set aside some beliefs, self-interests in addition to making personal sacrifices.

It's the common question: "What happened?!?" quickly followed by, "I hope you don't mind me asking". It's simple. We fell out of love. We got lost in life and everything that we had individually and as a family that we forgot what we had together.
We both want the best lives for our kids and are committed to that, regardless of our situation with each other. We make a great Mom and Dad team and that will not change (even despite the rumors and speculations..... and to those folks, thank you for the kind words and energy you've committed to discussing such things on your spare time. I'm glad you're thinking of us!).

I've heard that happy kids are raised by happy parents and I've told myself that for years. Although I've been "HAPPY", most of that was a direct result of our kids and their happiness. It was reversed for us, really. Happy kids made happy parents. Joe is an amazing father, and I like to believe my successes as a mother are proven and measured by my kids' happiness and respect for life. I truly believe they are happy kids and the last 11+ years of our lives have been committed to just that. Happy parents DO and WILL raise happy kids......but it doesn't mean the parents have to be happy together, just HAPPY overall.

Joe and I are at peace with our decision. It will be helpful when people can recognize that because hopefully it will help THEM be at peace with our decision as well, and not feel uncomfortable or awkward to continue including both of us in their lives (if we chose to have them in ours).

People always dream of the fairytale ending of "happily ever after" but I believe everyone has their own version or interpretation of that phrase.

Wishing you a "happily ever after" and as always, good health (mentally, physically and spiritually).

Weeding out my garden of FRIENDSHIPS

A friend of mine updated her facebook status to say, "Why are things that are good too good to be true?". I really thought about that and came to the realization that this is just not how it is supposed to be. The truth is, it probably wasn't good to begin with, only we refused to see the bad.

Throughout my entire life, I've chosen to only surround myself with positive people - those who make me feel good and allow me to be myself without making any judgments or criticisms and those who expect nothing less from me in return. People who accept me the way that I am - the good and the bad, but also those who call me out and recognize my pain behind every smile I fake. Any friendship less than this is unworthy of my time and effort. It doesn't mean I am incapable of being cordial or having fun with these people, it simply means I refuse to put any energy into something I know will not work over the long term.

One of my favorite quotes about friendship is, "True friends stab you in the front". They challenge you, ask questions and are honest - even when it hurts. They are the ones that WILL tell you your ass looks fat in a pair of jeans. Why would we want anything less in a friend because if you don't want to be told then don't ask the question!

I've recently been faced with some tough decisions when it comes to relationships. I've been forced to recognize the people in my life who matter vs. those who just don't and probably never did. It hurts, but I've accepted this and am focused on moving on with quality friends vs. the quantity of them. It feels good to be here, knowing that those people in my past will not be included in my future. It's like I've been through detox - it took me about 12 life altering steps to realize many of them were toxic!

I'm typically one who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I question things at times but if I truly need an answer, I do research by going to the source directly. I don't understand how some people can make assumptions based on word of mouth or their own perception or interpretations of a situation. Its funny to me how a woman (and yes, you all know it's true and that men just don't work this way) is forced to be modest with her successes in life because she doesn't want her celebrations or accolades to be viewed as being conceited. Women secretly don't want to know how successful their girlfriends are, or to hear about the promotions, great sex life/romances or even about the good grades their kids are getting because some feel threatened or insecure about their own lives. I refuse to talk about income, politics or religion with my friends because this can put a burden on a friendship, even without those intentions (I don't even know why people ask these questions in the first place, honestly, it's a lose/ lose answer). It's the unspoken truth and it's time to be honest about it. C'mon - we all have those kind of girlfriends and I know you're already agreeing with me to some extent. I'm not saying we don't have those 1 or 2 BF or KS that we can truly share anything and everything with, without feeling like you're bragging or being arrogant but there are probably ONLY 1 or 2 girlfriends in your garden of friends, am I right?

My point is this, why are "friends" so quick to avoid conversations about your successes in life but want to be the first in line to ask the questions about your failures? It's like they want to recognize your failures only to validate their successes? Just think about that for a minute.

My worst fears, along with most people I'm sure, involve failures - of parenting, career, finances and the fear that has now become my reality: marriage. There's the shocker! Yes, my marriage failed. If you don't know how, why and when then it's because I'm not ready to discuss it. In the meantime, if you don't know what to say or how to act - or don't want to in the middle but still find yourself wanting to be a true friend.....here's a conversational piece to start with, "How are you doing?" or "How are the kids?" or what about a statement such as, "I'm here for you, I see you're hurting". I never expected to lose so many friends along with my husband of more than 13 years together, but I guess it is what it is.

All of this ranting comes from the green thumb I've grown lately. I've been weeding out my garden of friendships. It's exhausting, hurtful and I know I will get dirty but it's hard to appreciate the beauty of the friendships that are continuing to bloom. As my friends blossom in their lives, I want to know about it and celebrate with them in ALL of their SUCCESSES in life......................only being there through their failures does not fertilize a friendship.

The Balancing Act

I'm a great multitasker - most women are naturally. I can listen with both ears at the same time to 5 different kids talking, read a book while walking on the treadmill, talk on one phone and text on the other while driving.....ok, just kidding about the last one. I can do many multiple things at once yet I can't juggle, you know....with 3 objects at one time. I find this interesting. I'm very coordinated otherwise - walk in high heels and chew gum at the same time, etc. Seriously! :)

Why is that a common question......"Can you juggle"? I usually respond by saying YES! I can juggle 5 different school and sports schedules, Dr. appointments, carpool arrangements and work....even all of this with a dash of homework plus a side of house cleaning and make sure all kids are in bed by 8:30. Why is this never an acceptable answer?

A good friend asked me a great question the other day, how does a working mother find balance?Of course, my first thought was to be facecious.....I said whatever you're doing, just add a cold beer in each hand and that will keep you level headed. Those of you who know me don't see me with a cold one in my hand very often - and when you do, I typically can't keep one in my hand long enough....let alone 2! Ha ha ha!

In all reality, balance isn't something that is achieved by just one thing - or one less thing for that matter. Balance is being able to mutlitask or juggle w/o dropping the ball. You have to leave work at work and home at home but the two really go hand in hand......my home and everything in it, is what motivates me to work. And sometimes, my home (crazy home) is what drives me to work!

I find so much inspiration through music, especially since I'm in my car most of the day. I love all kinds of music. One of my favorite songs is one that has kept me going some days when I'm rushing across the state to get home in time for something - even just in time for dinner some days. This song has become my theme song actually. I want to share these lyrics with my fellow Mama's out there because it represents everything we do. Whether you are a working mother or stay-at-home ma.....we are the core of what keeps our families together! WE are what brings B A L A N C E because let's be honest......we are the pros and glorified jugglers!

Alicia Keys - SUPERWOMAN:
Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me

I hang my head from sorrow
State of humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

'Cause I Am a SUPERWOMAN
Yes I am, Yes She is
Still when I'm a mess, I still put on my vest
With an "S" on my chest
Oh Yes, I'm a Superwoman

This is for all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women
All my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun

And all my sisters come together
Say yes I will, Yes I can

'Cause I Am a SUPERWOMAN
Yes I am, Yes She is
Still when I'm a mess, I still put on my vest
With an "S" on my chest
Oh Yes, I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down and I can't be found
As I start to get weak
'Cause no one knows me underneath these clothes
But I can fly, we can fly

'Cause I Am a SUPERWOMAN
Yes I am, Yes She is
Still when I'm a mess, I still put on my vest
With an "S" on my chest
Oh Yes, I'm a Superwoman

LET ME TELL YOU I Am a SUPERWOMAN
Yes I am, Yes She is
See, even when I'm a mess, I still put on my vest
With an "S" on my chest
Oh Yes, I'm a Superwoman

Oh Yeah, I'm tellin' you
I'm super, so super
I'm super, so super
Yes I am, YES WE ARE!!!!!

Listen to this song - on your way to work or way home. If you can't find balance....then considering trying the beer thing. Works well with Corona but 86 the limes!

PEACE my pretties!

Half Empty and Half @ssed..........throw it all together that's how we roll.

I've always said my glass is half full. I'm just that kind of person. Positive thinking is my thing and having that type of attitude makes me think anything is possible. I am also a very competitive person and often relate every day situations to sports. I tell myself and the kids to make sure you're all in or be sure to box out, chin up and grin up, don't go out of bounds and my favorite of course is, don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

Many of you know of the difficult summer I had with various health issues. I'm still on the mend and am taking things slowly (and because my body keeps slowing me down -which is good for someone like me who is always in a full court press). There were so many different tests and a different diagnosis from each Dr. that I am not even going to get into it all. I am no longer looking back. One thing I will share with you, however, is that during my time spent at Northfield Hospital and Mayo Clinic , I had some unpleasant tests and one in particular, the colonoscopy. Not once....or twice....but two and a half times!!!! YES, REALLY! One may ask, how the heck can you have two and a half colonoscopies?!? Well...I hope you don't have a visual but I indeed got half-assed the first time!

Now that I've had time to recover from this, it is easier for me to joke about. It just figures with the type of life I lead. Of course I take every situation and make light of it and take it as one of life's great lessons. You hear the expression, "Don't half ass...." or, "so-and-so did a half ass job". I use a similar expression (and of course a more appropriate phrase) when talking to the kids about chores or homework and say to them that it would save so much time to just take the time to do it right the first time. And by "right" I mean MY WAY - lol.

The same thing goes for when your glass is half full. My attitude adjusted a little after this summer when I was stuck in bed not being able to do ANYTHING. I went through some pretty dark times and started thinking more about the empty side of my glass. With everything that our family has endured this last year I developed a "why me" attitude. Those days were not fun and full of tears, fear and frustration (turns out it was just hormones).

SO - my new take on life is this: If your glass is half full - GOOD FOR YOU! Mine is still half empty. This isn't such a bad thing after all because that just means that you've did some drinking, have some more drinking to do and a refill coming. The other thing that kept coming to mind is to not "half ass" things because chances are you'll have to do it again...... twice over, my friends! Follow your shot so you can get your own board and slam dunk it!

I've added a video of our crazy crew + some extras that usually tag along for the fun. We are on our way to the homecoming game and decided to show some Trojan Pride. The song they are singing symbolizes the shuffles of our lives......"shake it off head to toe....throw it all together that's how we roll"!

Drink up friends and watch your back sides!

---Peace and Love

Good Morning!
I just wanted to send a BIG THANK YOU to all of our family and dear friends, for being there for us and showing your unconditional support. We have been through so much and we've almost made it to the year mark with our extended family. We've faced many challenges and with your help through love and prayers --- we've made it through all of them with our chins and grins up!
Many of you know we've been struggling a little bit with me working more than full time and traveling the great distance to Rochester on almost a daily basis from Lonsdale. With the economy as it is and my dear husband, Joe working from home and taking care of the kids playing both Dad/Uncle and Mom/Aunt we have been forced to make a decision to help raise our kids in the fashion they deserve.
We received some very excited news last week that we have been holding off to share with everyone until contracts were finalized and we had time to discuss this opportunity with the Fab 5; Ashlyn, Cameron, Kenley, Maddy and Nikki. A few months ago, Joe and I registered and were interviewed for an endeavor we would've never imagined would have come true! Some of you know our obsession with the TLC show called Jon & Kate +8. Well, as our luck would have it (and this has not yet been released), they have decided to not renew their contract with their show. This leaves a window for another reality show in their time slot and specifically, they were searching for a "blended" and "diverse" family to replace their irreplaceable show, Jon & Kate +8. We interviewed with their production staff last week and things went very well. The kids were a little shy at first (except for Miss Maddy, of course) but they really took the time to get to know each kid and even got little Miss Kenley hugging them by the end of their visit. We found out this past weekend we were the chosen family for a new show called (you won't be too surprised by this), The Crazy Eight. Even Ocho gets a part with his dog house!
We have been very pleased with this process and are truly looking forward to taking on this new lifestyle. It will be interesting but after the first few filmings, I know the kids will be more receptive and will adjust very well! If we can make it through a transition of changing homes and adding more kids......I KNOW they can get through this and they are ALL very, very excited!!
The filming will begin at the end of the summer (before school starts) so our first show will be scheduled to air this fall on TLC - Monday nights at 8:00. I apologize for telling most of you by email, however, I wanted to make sure to include everything I wanted to, rather than blurting it all out in excitement in person! :) I've attached a link to our blog (jbmacknpack.blogger.com) and a sneak peek from our interview, which will also be previewing this summer, in preparation of our new show - The Crazy Eight. Be sure to tune in!
We just can't thank you enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Check out the link below................................




















www.aprilfools.com
We do want to thank you all very much though......in all seriousness...for being our support system! We love you (and please forgive me!) LOL
"The Crazy Eight" - Joe & Brandi N.'M.A.C.K.